Verizon Customer Service – Press #1 for English, #2 for Spanish and #3 for Obama


I just got back from hunting buffalo in Zimbabwe for the last two weeks. It’s always a pleasure for me to go beyond the pavement, where the cell phones don’t work, and I can’t go online and there isn’t a television that functions within a sixty-mile radius.

Yep, when I’m hunting out in the African bush, or in an Alaskan swamp, or I’m out of cell phone range crushing some mahi in the Atlantic, I truly enjoy the technological fast from my Mac book, my iPhone and my TV.

That said, while I’m disconnected from the digital crap I cannot help but wonder …

– How my kids and friends are doing?

– What’s going on with my new, three-headed wolf-puppy I named Cerberus?

– How are my various businesses are faring?

– And (of course) what new crimes will come to light that the Obama administration has been covering up for the last five-plus years?

Before my wife and I split for Zim to celebrate our 25th anniversary, Benghazi-gate was growing deeper and uglier, the IRS had just been exposed putting the thumbscrews to Conservative non-profits and the DOJ was busted for having tapped the phones of its journalistic bedfellow, the AP.

“What could be next” … I wondered like a jaded stepchild waiting for my drunk step-dad to come home from Hooters?

Would it be a cell phone pic of Obama smoking a giant doobie rolled up in a miniature copy of the Constitution?

Would it be a video of Michelle Obama yelling at a lesbian to “shut the $#@% up” during one of her speeches?

I didn’t know. The possibilities seemed almost endless which left me torn betwixt the enjoyment of my down time with my lady and the jonesing to get back to civilization to see what impeachable offenses had been committed and were currently being disregarded by the lame stream media. It was as if I was torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool, because loving them both was breaking all the rules.

As you all know, all good things must come to an end and we had to depart our lovely camp in the Matetsi and head back to reality. Upon arrival into J’berg’s Tabo International Airport I found some wifi at a bar, opened up my laptop, ordered a beer, jumped online and lo and behold nothing much happened while we were away.

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