When Billy Mays died suddenly and very unexpectedly in 2009, the world lost a great pitchman, and it was clear very quickly that he would not be easy to replace. We’ve got the guy with the Australian (or is British?) accent. There was also the “Shamwow!” guy, but unfortunately, he wasn’t able to capitalize on the opening left by Mr. Mays in 2009 because that was the same year that he got arrested after an altercation with a tongue-biting prostitute. Fortunately, though, I think the world may have found the perfect new spokes-model and infomercial host, and the great news is that this guy, who has had a long, successful television career is about ready to retire, and will probably be looking for a new gig.
Of course, I speak of Tonight Show host Jay Leno, who auditioned for the position of “America’s Number One Infomercial Announcer,” during Tuesday night’s interview with our Celebrity-in-Chief, Barack Obama.
You’ve no doubt seen Jay’s hilarious “Jaywalking” segments, in which he visits popular tourist locations and does “Man (or Woman) on the Street” interviews with dolts who can’t answer very simple questions about politics, government, geography or even popular culture. These are the people who were rejected for Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? because most fifth graders can rub two brain cells together to produce something resembling a coherent thought, and they obviously can’t.
How can I put this? If brains were dynamite, these people couldn’t blow their noses. Plus, most of fifth graders, even in government schools, know how to read. With these people, it’s not clear that they have mastered that reading thing. Imagine someone so uninformed that he can’t name the first president of the United States, or imagine an Obama voter. Ah, I repeat myself.
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