by Eric Golub
Despite various polls showing that 90% of American Indians take pride in sports names reflecting their heritage, the Washington Redskins name offends those who are perpetually offended. To win more Jewish fans the team should be renamed the Washington Foreskins.
A Rabbi can be the team doctor, assuming a Jewish doctor will not be a stereotype, and therefore offensive. Every baby born to a player on the team once the name change takes effect will be given a free circumcision.
With no more Redskins to battle, the Dallas Cowboys can become the Ranchers. To mollify activists, they will be the Dallas Vegan Ranchers. Their mascot will be a stick of Texas Tofu.
Since Panthers are violent animals, the Carolina team could change its name to the Pussy Cats. Politicians will be interviewed for jobs as the team’s mascot.
The Chicago Bears can become the Teddy Bears because bears kill people. They cannot be named the Teddy Ruxpins since Miley Cyrus have forever ruined that brand.
With football finally emasculated, here is the politically correct NFL Preview. The Thursday night game saw the Kansas City Chihuahuas (formerly Chiefs) defeat the Philadelphia Tweety Birds (formerly Eagles) 26-16 as Walrus Lite Andy Reid showed he can still coach in the sensitivity era.
Now for a sensitive Sunday of football. Join in the chat of all the games!
Sunday, September 22
Houston Mexicans (formerly land stealing Texans) (-1) at Baltimore Edgar Allen Poets (formerly Ravens)—Baltimore barely survived Cleveland at home, but they have Houston’s number and will again. Upset special, Ravens win outright
New York Vertically Enhanced (formerly Giants) at Carolina Pussy Cats (formerly Panthers) (Pick ‘em)—Captain Grumpy Tom Coughlin reminded his team that they are not supposed to play badly until November. He fired a couple players who had already retired just to prove his point. Giants win
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