Picking Santa’s Politics


by Carly Hill

I was in the car with my in-laws, driving through the Carolinas to see more in-laws and my husband asked me which political party Santa would be in. We went back and forth for a while, and decided that like most all political issues, you could argue the case every which way. Democrats will say he’s a democrat. Republicans will say he’s a republican. Even libertarians might argue that he’s a liberty-lover.

Santa is a Democrat

Santa, the ultimate bleeding heart – sprinkling love and charity throughout the land. Meeting the needs of the people. Bringing joy and contentment through material possessions. Indiscriminately spreading the toys and ties throughout the land.

Everyone reaps from Santa’s sowing. All you need is to have a sock and go to sleep and you’ll have groceries, tuition, healthcare, candy in your stocking.

A guy shows up at your house and gives you things you don’t really need and doesn’t charge you for it. You want an iPad, voila. You ask, you receive.

Santa mythology suggests that receiving gifts is based on naughtiness or niceness, but we all know that the lump of coal idea’s a load of crap. Everybody gets presents.

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