Let’s Ban Everything!


Ban the guns, yes indeed, guns are weapons that, when used improperly, can kill and maim people. Even people who have gun permits with registered guns are not exempt from guns being used improperly. Everyday in the news, there are acts of violence with people using guns to cause havoc on others, so let’s ban the guns therefore we will be free from devastation and destruction in our daily lives.

Whilst we’re at it, let’s look at all of the other items to ban to keep folks safe. After all, it is the job of the government to prevent further calamity in our daily lives, right?

Years ago I recall a teenage boy using a fork to stab his brother in his arm, puncturing the arm severe enough to draw blood and leave holes in the arm. So let’s ban forks. We’ll need to ban pencils, too, as they are the root of many evils that have taken place. In the classroom children have been known to stab other children with pencils in the arm or leg leaving quite severe bruising. And let’s make sure to ban fake fingernails. I read somewhere that a female student dug her nails deep into another student’s arm deep enough to draw blood.

Glass containers, when broken by a student and/or thrown at an administrator in their office, should definitely be banned. For that matter, perhaps we should ban unruly students – that one is quite tempting as I have been kicked, spat upon, and punched by unruly students…And oh, yes, gotta ban furniture, too. I have seen students throw desks, and books, too. Books have been propelled across the room aiming for and meeting said target.

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